Well, I can handle an emerald pin-tucked sheath with the best of 'em.

I have noted my rather incessant hand wringing over the minimalist trend being pushed by designers, and its implications for all of us. God bless the end of July, when the fall fashion spreads start gathering force. The spread so far have assuaged my fears. It seems the teeth of this surge of minimalism is in a retro cool, pintucked sheath dress type glamour- which is utterly fantastic for me and every other woman out there with 40 inch hips.

The colors aren’t dimming either, but glowing in jewel tones, from hues of Kitchenaid teal or Mustang red. These fits swimmingly with the heavy necklaces and pave settings emerging in jewelry, but even these accessories have a season or two at most, given their decadence. Then it's back to studs and hoops in shiny silver!

With the reduction in accessories, there will be a return to designer names and logos. If there are less details, layers, and accessories, the one reliable way to stand out fashionably is to have immaculate tailoring (thus requiring upper end design) or to wear the logo of your favorite design house.

The popularity of the child trend graphic is dying down anyhow- who really wants to see another skull and crossbones- so it is a smoother transition to logos as a pattern. Though personally, I was secretly holding out for robots, which seemed like the next wave, but they only made it as far as keychains.

And just when I am expecting CK emblazoned on every rack from nylons to knickers, I see that CK is even unearthing "Secret" Obsession. Designer house perfumes have been garnering strength lately, and if you are going to rise back from the death, you might as well bring every bone with you.

Sadly, with a return to logos, we are bound to witness the sure demise of the New Designer trend pushing forward sales for the last couple years. As Target brought out the designer lines every three months, the average buyer came to know the designers on the brink. Then Project Runway unleased more waves of designers into public discourse, as did competitions sponsored by magazine labels such as Elle. Those who have been decrying the oversaturation of the fashion market with rising star designers will surely settle down, as fashionistas restricted to a choice accessory to adorn their sheath dress will surely return to the luxury labels- get ready for a Dior and Louis boom, and bye bye high lo bo ho, the look of the millenium. It's time to get ready for 20010.

The World Gone Flat

In other home decorating news, the Fiance and I are moving this weekend into a sci-fi, futuristic condo. I really did prefer creaky wood floors and dinged up fireplaces, but the move was a little unexpected. So off we go, wheee! And as a bit of a nerd/gadget luster, I am using the new place as an opportunity to indulge in my more modern aesthetics (which coincidentally, will coordinate with my impending new "mod wife" wardrobe).



And in my decorating quests, I have noticed a curious thing. The world has gone flat! What started, at least for me, as some interesting and quirky wall decals at good ol’ UO a year ago has quietly seeded a movement. On my new favorite shopping channel, http://www.etsy.com/, you can get the dog you always wanted, the birds you aren’t allowed to have, or the tree you can’t grow, in any color under the sun.






With some further perusing, I was startled to find flat candelabras, etched in acrylic, a type of "ghost" accessory.




Then there were the cuckoo clocks at Target that were nothing but a silhouette.



I am not quite sure where it started. Possibly with the ghost chair? Or was it those flattened wall vases that Pottery Barn carried a couple of years ago?




Regardless of its genesis, I think the growing popularity reflect the consciousness of a generation that is growing up but not quite ready to bite the Fancy China bullet. But me, heh heh, I am just interested in them because their novelty meets the Jetson aesthetic of my new place! Heh heh. Although I did worry about them being too collegiate, I realized that I don’t know any 20 year old who is all that interested in candelabras…

A Fashionable Engine

So admist the haze of boxes and moving tape, I plopped down Saturday night to watch an old SNL, before falling asleep curled around an pair of scissors and a tube of super glue. Unfortunately, the potential for weekend ER drama went unrealized. But I did, in my stupor, absorb Mariah Carey singing her last single with T-Pain guesting. (My fiance is amazed that T-Pain has apparently built an entire, well-paying career from guesting on other musician's cd's. )Anyhow, T-Pain came out in a top hat with a feather and psudeo suit. Had I not been in a muscle relaxant stupor at this point, surely I would have sat straight up and blooped back to see it again. (This small detail surely saved my life). Was steampunk infiltrating rap?

Rap has had a pivotal role in fashion since the 80's. when it broke onto the scene with bright tracksuits, heavy gold jewelry, and the occasional jeri curl. From Nelly promoting trainers to Kanye West modeling at the Lanvin Spring 2008/2009 Paris fashion shows, rap and hip hop artists continue to exert their influence in the fashion industry. (Personally, I have an unmatched adoration for the aesthetic espoused by MIA and lil Kim). Rap and hip hop artists, perhaps emboldened by the number of barriers they have to break on a daily basis, often are far more fearless in their style exploits, and generate trends far ahead of the euro-fashion waves lapping at our shores.

So, is steampunk next? I am just going to borrow directly from Wikipedia in case you have no idea what I am talking about.

Steampunk is a subgenre of fantasy and speculative fiction that came into prominence in the 1980s and early 1990s. The term denotes works set in an era or world where steam power is still widely used—usually the 19th century, and often set in Victorian era England—but with prominent elements of either science fiction or fantasy, such as fictional technological inventions like those found in the works of H. G. Wells and Jules Verne, or real technological developments like the computer occurring at an earlier date.

And it looks like this.

So you remember those old 60's movies where they shoot some scenes in the future, and everyone is wearing spandex? And when you flip through magazines from the same time and wonder how they wore that then, and what will we wear in the future? I mean, is there something novel out there, new, ground breaking, completing different from anything we have previously ever considered donning? When I see steam punk anything, I think- this, this is it. This is the fashion of The Future.

I love the look of it. I am a sucker for vintage furniture but adore gadgets and hifi anything (placing me squarely in more than one Stuff White People Like categories). Before I knew the name of it, I was intrigued by the ads for Wild Wild West. But not enough to get over the bad reviews and view the whole thing. Then, years later, my fiance's quirky best friend started gushing about steampunk, so much so that we bought him his own set of goggles for hits 30th birthday present. It seemed that the the underground steampunk community was thriving quietly on its own.

Then, the NYT covered steampunk this spring, but still, still I did not think it would catch on. But now, T-Pain was on my screen with his 19th century suit. If rap and hip hop artists bring it in through music, those very artists who could create a craze like the jeri curl, then steampunk will be here to stay. I said, Woo Hoo.

Sparkly lil Skulls

So I previously noted that I shared an appreciation for statement necklaces with the rest of the general fashionable public. But what I have really developed is a downright obsession with intricate and heavy handed sparklies. It's been sudden and cruel, depriving me of sleep as I toss and turn, scheming of ways to justify a thousand collars of fake jewels.



It really doesn't help that I recently discovered that Charles Winston has a CZ line which looks very close to the real thing, and lays it on thick. By thick, I mean, dripping, marqasite or pave settings, multiple stones, bring in the sherry dahhhhllinnnnngggg. Sigh.




It’s like a belated appreciation for Carrie’s diamond necklace she would wear with jeans. Suddenly every pair of glittery encrusted jewels is calling my name. I bet SATC started it with the damned cupcake purse, but now I am suddenly wondering why I never knew who Judith Leiber was before, and if $400 is too much for a tiny knock off clutch?


And it’s spreading. I have been eyeing crystal candlesticks lately, and purchased one with clear natural diamondesque stones running down the body. The only other place I can fathom having rough or sparkly gemstones is in a picture frame, so I am sure that’s next. Or maybe I could decorate with crystal skulls? WTF kind of story was that? Apparently someone else had developed a case of gem mania, and carved some crystal skulls for decorating her abode.



When she tired of them and switched to copper planters full of wheat grass, she mailed them to museums all over the world with a tiny note attaching folklore and ghost stories to the skulls, thus ensuring that they would not be returned. At least that’s my take on it. For the possibly more accurate story, you may wish to read the news.

Get Smart about the Economy

Apparently, we really are in a recession. Vogue's July issue has advice on how to get beauty on the cheap. Not just one line either- COST EFFECTIVE BEAUTY AND FITNESS headlines the front cover. When Anna Wintour is letting me know that I can late summer vacay in the tropics to save some bucks, you know the national money machine is grinding to a slow halt.Also, that hell has frozen over.

Not that you can tell in the cinemas. I was surprised to see Anne Hathaway decked out in Chanel in her latest flick, Get Smart. Not understated Chanel either- big CC earrings and sunglasses in every scene. I was already a fan of both Chanel and Hathaway and the two together have me in a tizzy. I must find some CC earrings for my honeymoon to the Greenbriar- how fitting. Bagborroworsteal has some great options but at those prices, I still might be better off in Chinatown. I am not one of those bloggers who will pretend that buying is even an option- not yet.

Politics & Fashion- when it's less subtle

So in keeping with delayed responses to fashion, did anyone else find the Obama/Versace flap odd? On June 22, 2008, it was widely reported that Donatella Versace declared that Barack Obama was "the man of the moment,'' and dedicated her Spring-Summer 2009 collection to him. Ms. Versace declared that the style in the show was designed for "a relaxed man who doesn't need to flex muscles to show he has power.'' The news buzzed out to blogs all over the net, and snaked its way into a Matt Lauer reference on The Today Show.

Then on June 25, 2008, Ms. Versace issued a statement refuting the claim."It was the type of man Barack Obama represents that inspired the men's Spring 2009 collection," said a Versace spokesman. "A modern man with a laid back relaxed look and attitude. Not Obama himself." Such a fine distinction requests a little more attention. Why the need for Ms. Versace to clarify? Could it be due to Obama's silence in the wake of such a public dedication? And why did Obama fail to acknowledge such a dedication? Is he leaving the fashion limelight to his wife? Could it be his desire to distance himself further from growing comparisons to JFK, who gave up his affection for Savile Row once the media caught whiff of his taste in expensive suits? Across the world, the Obama's are being called the new Kennedy's. The elitist tagline can't be too far behind, so perhaps Obama will simply have a quiet preference for American brands over the international flash of Versace.

Little Beige Whales

And on July 8, 2008, Gossip Girl was in the New York Times as heralding a new era in fashion merchandising. Fans of the show can visit the website to click through the characters' clothes from each episode, and purchase with teenaged abandon. Such a purposeful conflation of fashion and profit brings to mind the Takashi Murakami gallery in Japan, where visitors can purchase Louis Vuitton bags from a fully functioning store in the gallery. The NYT also notes that Gossip Girl has revived an interest in prep school fashion, with emphasis on argyle and blazers.

Thank god. Although I have remained steadfastly anti-prep in my life, I always chuckled when one of my friends declared, repeatedly, that "prep is the new punk." Starting with the suited Hives leading to the prep punk Libertine, I could understand his view. But I was not about to pop any of my collars.

Then I recently stumbled on Melissa C. Morris' blog, also from the NYT (work has been slow), and from there, I descended into the bowels of thepreppywedding .blogspot.com. I was entranced and inexplicably hooked on some of the looks. (Not above!)

I think it may come from the 1960's mod retro feel that J Crew has been turning out in its higher end items, combined with my brain spinning into hyperdrive imagining what a "wife" wears. With a September wedding on the horizon, my brain sensed the potential for a MAKEOVER, and preppy was singing a sweet song.

And the true allure of preppy, especially the retro hue of prep, is that it has the potential to stave off the coming waves of minimalism heading to our shores. After a good six years of blissful details, elaborate twists, zoos of textures, and an explosion in the development of draping, someone decided to trot out feathers. And every time some one trots out feathers in fashion, the fashion board declares that deliciously intricate fashion is overplayed, and some slick haired designer does the "new" thing of "introducing" neutrals and potato sack dresses, reclaimining masculine powers in pants and rounding the toes of shoes.

Don't believe me? Well, there's the black and white truth of it- it's been in the fashion magazines since 2006, when Elle and Vogue declared the return to minimalism in their spring spreads. Generally, the magazines announce the movement about twice before anyone listens- once each year- then the third year, die hard fashionistas take heed- much like your mom calling you to dinner, you must eventually concede- and then the fourth year, everyone is doing it. Six years on down the road, watered down horrendous adaptations of the trend will still be skirting the more practical moms in middle America. On this timeline, minimalism should be in full swing for most of us from spring 20009 through 20010.

Then there's the more empirical proof. Statement necklaces are in. Well crap. I love them- man do I- but what can you wear a statement necklace with? A plain neckline and simple hair, no prints, simple earrings. Ahhh, they already have you on their wicked little slide.Oh and look! Neons are creeping back! CK is big again! You can't wear crazy prints or cuts with full on neons- no, the call here is to "let the color speak" and wear them simply. They are sly ones, I tell you. Next you will see futuristic cuts- in all black- the wave of the future! But the cuts will quickly disappear- who has the guts to wear them- and we are left with a monochromatic world of sacks and stud earrings.

But I am not ready to go back into that dark night from whence I came. I remember that sad day I trashed all my gorgeously cascading earrings, disposing of all "tacky" prints, dispelling any soft color that harkened in my closet and disposing of my gold (literally- damned silver, which looks so nice with black). I was naïve then, and foolishly thought, like all young hearts, that fashion, and life, was novel, bravely venturing where no woman had gone before, evolving and discarding the weak. Little did I fully comprehend that trends are cycled through at the vicious speed of a consumer's pedal, and that fashion was the complex balancing of every small current, every silk scarf, every chandelier earring, towards something truly descriptive- the sense of which could not be conveyed in words- art.

Preppy- powered by revenue yielding cigar smoking TV execs- has the power to turn back this tide. With the brightly lined blazers, the intricate crests of make-believe schools and the zig zag of argyle- promises the lure of accessories and coordinating details, in the great Gap style of piling it on, and surely our economy needs all the revenue we can generate. So I am stocking up on all the J Crew, maxi jersey dresses, and Judith Ripka trinkets with which I can load my arms , those cheery green crocodiles and pink flamingos standing guard against the pending night. Oh, and this dress:



****I would also like to note that my tomfoolery with a clean cut aesthetic will not lend itself ever to the wearing of: David Yurman, Vera Bradley, or Coach anything. That's just a type of dirty that doesn't wash off.

Zee politics & zee fashion

As a DC dweller, I have to say the city's understanding of fashion is understated and on rainy days, absolutely perilous. In my five years here, I have developed a greater appreciation for J Crew's upscale dresses, Tory Burch's excellent branding, and the power of a slightly unusual set of pearl earrings. I have also developed a nuanced appreciation for the subtle touches added by the fashion conscious in DC. The vocational fields occupied by women in DC are predominantly conservative, and a tourist is just as easily betrayed by a short hemline or unsupportive bra as a family would be flagged by the ubiquitous fanny pack and tevo sandals. (For those not living in a tourist town, yes, many, many people still wear fanny packs on vacation, in almost an admirable fashion). DC women know how to wear a suit, what constitutes a real suit, how to choose a quiet rock star power bag (L.A.M.B and Botkier are big here) and that cotton sundresses are for church and picnics.

There is also a quiet but thriving indie/hipster community that sports plastic neon earrings with thrift store house dresses and Seychelles pumps, spiked belts with fedoras, and on grander occasions, blue lame hot shorts with round toe stilettos. Rarely are they seen in the 9AM rush hour buses, when you could easily believe that the entire city dons the same hued suit at precisely the same time, buffs their lace up shoes, and grabs their briefcase in neat succession. Given their professions, a smattering of artists, bartenders, and non profit associates, they are almost all on the 10AM bus, providing the city with a character for which few would credit DC.

Both sets of women, the hipsters and the lawyers of DC, have one shared passion lately- the proclivity for scarves. The 9AM bus is filled to the windows with silk knotted squares or draped rectangles, in obviously Hermes inspired or floral prints. The indie crowd has long favored the long, skinny scarf, wrapped around their necks and draped down dresses, pants, coats- absolutely anything.

And then, those indies, they seized on a curious new trend, the one I call the "Bandit" look. It involved folding the scarf into a triangle, tying the ends around the back of the neck, and peaking the front up, so it partially obscures the face.

At first, I thought I had seen someone on the way to a play, of which they were obviously part. After a few more sighting, it dawned on me that this wat the new way of wearing a scarf. And I shrugged it off as the by product of the very nature of fashion- the demand to constantly change had resulted in something lame, but a change of pace. We've all been there- that kind of weird red hair color, the impulse buy throw pillows in the wrong shade. These things break up the continuity just long enough for us to comfortably return to the "before."

But the scarves stuck. When I went to NYC this past May, they were not only in full force on the street, they also dominated mannequins in such flavorless chains as Strawberry and 3for10FinalCloseoutSaleTodayOnly outposts. The Bandit look had degenerated from a poor fashion bastard to a full fledged WTF UFO like occurrence. What was with the scarf?

Well, google dredged up some explanations. I was apparently belated in my disdain of the bandit scarf- a blog by Dino Ray was my first clue. He had already dissed said scarf, and made reference to it's ethnic print. Hmmm? Ethnic?

Oh ok, so yall prolly know all this- so this trend exploded with the Rachel Ray Dunkin Donuts Advertisement, where our favorite EEO slinging chef wore a black and white print scarf. She wasn't wearing it bandit style, but the scarf reminded many people of the keffiyeh, and caused some uproar. And upon looking into the keffiyeh matter- what is a kaffiyeh anyhow?- I discovered the culprit of the bandit trend- bloody Urban Outfitter's. Isn't it always them?

So the keffiyeh is indeed a scarf with a black and white pattern and tassels that is worn in Arab countries. It's been referred to as the Yasser Arafat scarf as well. Apparently Balenciaga included scarves similar to this style in their Fall 2007 show (which of course would have been in the Spring of 2007). But most people don't wear Balenciaga. They do, however, wear Urban Outfitter's (UO), who decided to launch a sale of keffiyehs under the gimmicky title of "anti-war woven scarves" as early as January of 2007. Some people, patriots of either America or Arab countries, found this offensive on multiple levels. UO's great stroke of inspiration might have been the innocent result of it's usual formula- recreate something from 20 years ago in peak condition at a cheap price- and the bandit scarf had enjoyed popularity in 1988, UO's favorite decade.

It makes perfect sense that DC, which does not operate on the timebomb mentality of fashion capitals, would pick up the trend with the rest of mainstream America- a full year later. (Although it should be noted that "true" hipsters claim to have been wearing this bizness since 2005- but in my experience, some "true" hipster always emerge at the start of every trnd to take credit- what? these plastic banana earrings? Nah, you kidding? I've been wearing these since I read about them in the Babysitter's Club Vol 9- Stacey had some street style!).

But it doesn't make sense that a city that is so politically conscious- dude, we know our shit- would so casually continue to wear a style that has purely exploitative, and arguably offensive, roots. Why is this still here? Do we need a card table full of red 4x4 handouts with a slightly coated finish and petitions on clip boards to raise awareness? Or, given that I am so behind this whole affair myself, did we find some rationale to continue onwards with confidence?

So given the typical time cycles of fashion, and that this is a "hot" but uh slightly weird look, I estimate that we will have another year of it left, with maybe two years of it making an occasional appearance at a house party. But it also means that girl with too much eyeliner at the last house party I went to shouldn't have been so damned snotty with me- her bandit scarf was completely dated and politically offensive- and my Marni inspired necklace was overly whimsical at worst. And I think I will stick on the 9AM bus on this one- I hate it when UO sneaks a fast one over us, those thrift colonizing bastards- and root around for some Hermes knock off silks.

Sly on the 4th

I know that Sex and the City has received a fair share of both kudos and flack for its fashion sense, but I am definitely in the pro Patricia Fields category. The shows deft touches and sly styling won me over episode after episode. Whether I wanted to emulate such a carefree vibe or could simply appreciate the art of the outfit, every look on SATC had my admiration.

What I especially admired was Ms. Field's ability to nod at the events or scene transpiring in the episode. I attempt to achieve similar nods on holidays. I like to acknowledge the event without breaking out the tinsel earrings or Old Navy holiday shirts.

So what does one wear on the fourth? I think a sun dress such as this heart number from Patricia from Paris pulls off the color scheme without screaming fireworks. Or this vintage reproduction from Pinup Girl is perfect for picnics.

A little red dress becomes a little more holiday with the right accessories. Take these star earrings from Kaboodle and these preppy Lela Rose for Payless flats, and you have red, white and blue stars. Let's let the stripes go- that's just over the top.

The Science of Fashion

What Jen says is her intro to chemistry class brought her closer to God- specifically, the elements table. The notion that the great unknown expanse of universe was reduced to a common set of building blocks made the world manageable. That type of order and repetition could only be the work of a sentient being of awesome power, a being that showed himself through Virginia Woolf, the French Revolution, and frog anatomy that the ninth grade would also unveil.

I felt similarly about fashion in my late twenties. What began as a bewildering rush of sensory overload when I was eleven- lace? neon? crosses? berets? slowly settled into a predictable pattern, an ocean that ebbed and flowed with both singularity and reliability. Every crest and peak, slightly different but still as regular as the tides. At twenty six, I witnessed my first wave of trend reincarnations, as pant legs narrowed and the vest cautiously edged its way into mass urban retailers. I realized I had long lost the matte neutrals of the early millenium, shed the calvin klein sack dresses, ditched the simple silver jewelry. My closet was replete with the clothes I had earlier scoffed in college as juvenile remnants of an overly whimsical child- I had vivid brights, intricate beaded earrings, red cords. This year, I- sigh. I bought one watercolor print silk pintucked tunic in charcoal shades and one- sigh- bright floral skirt. I remember the day I trashed all my florals- 8 years ago- in an act of determined fashionista coming to my senses hallejuah moment. With the gristly wisdom that comes with age, I realize the florals were not the problem. It was the size of the floral- you really should never go for a small- oh come now. There is no sense in fashion.

Except in this. Fashion is a reflection of our time. A historical tapestry of our economics, our morals, our wars, our presidents. An encrusted swell that is constantly evolving on to the land and returning to the sea. The same colors, the same symbols, twisting and returning, single eyes on our dollar bills, white dresses at the altar. Just as we swore off things from our tweens, fashion, like all art, makes us see things in a new light. Like all art, it's senseless, but transcendental.