Fashionopedia

I think I got double-schooled this week from the usually geeky news industry. In nearly back to back articles, the NYT and Slate laid down the index on modern fashionista reference materials, all online, and none of which I check out. My online fashionista-ing usually extends only so far as heckling WaPo’s Talking Fashion (Whaddya mean you can’t think of a single place to find a decent Kamali knockoff for less than three hundred bucks?! Why do you then extol the virtues of Nine West flats, given their shelf life of six working days?) and playing around with Polyvore.com, a nifty feature that lets you upload or copy images at willy nilly on to a fashion board- fashion plate if you will (chortle). Ok, sometimes I go to US Weekly to vote on outfits, but really, that’s it, and it’s just because I feel bad that the adventurous or curvy girls always lose by a ten percent margin.

Anyhow, apparently all yalls have been going online to look at the glossies in scroll down style. But really, have you? How popular are these styles? And given that people are still wearing those lousy peace scarves from two years back like it the hippest happening since heydom, is fashion really such a rapidly altering art? I suspect not. I was recently approached by a local media team, who offered me free botox if I would just try on some wedding gowns and make a few statements about demanding perfection on my wedding day. Then I went on to Craigslist's tv jobs, and saw all the ads for people by the local news outlets for the kind of stories the news wants to be true. I am beginning to think all news-related hype and trend are manufactured! Perhaps NYT and SLT just needed something to write about.

But am still going to read up, just in case.

Special attention should be mentioned for http://www.flickr.com/groups/wardrobe_remix/pool, where readers upload pix of them in their outfits for feedback. Very gutsy and cool, but I have to say. I would have adored them more before the last year of devotedly watching TLC’s What Not to Wear. I have come to realize there are subtler ways to play up the funk then a peace scarf, Ray-Bans, and ratty chucks with a sun dress. I won’t name anyone here but you know who you are and what street market you frequent for those terrible plastic earrings…….

Bridal Blues

Full disclosure- as noted, I am to marry in a month. So perhaps the 1950’s/Mad Men era has taken me by my dainty wrist and led me to the Married Wife fantasy still lingering from childhood. We’ve discussed my horror at my growing appreciation for J Crew. At any rate, I am slipping into my bride shoes (pink lame flats, oh baby) and simply want to list a few bridal trends I have had to endure during the planning process, that I sincerely hope die out before the next batch of June/September brides take the plunge.

1. Strapless princess dresses. If you must do them, discover the rowing machine at the gym and make sure the waistline is at your waist, or you will be one doomed little princess. You really must take care here- no one will *ever* tell you that you look like a traffic cone in the gown of your dreams, so be honest with yourself. Vera Wang stopped making those dresses ages ago- even she is tired of them.

2. Brides cooing over their Vera Wang gowns. Look, Vera got sick of the wedding industry and branched out, but not before introducing multiple lines of her wedding designs, meaning that absolutely anyone can find a way to get one of her dresses. Which is great- I fully support accessibility to fashion- but don’t say it like an elitist. You want to impress on a solely superficial bling bling kind of level? Get a L’Hullier or shush.

3. Ice luges. It’s on Platinum Weddings every week. I.e., it’s old news and congrats for spending a few grand on ice, genius.

4. Monograms and crystals on everything. See above. Pretty sure your guests know it’s your wedding btw, and there’s no reason to make a perfectly pretty room look like Aunt Gertie’s old chandelier.

5. Chocolate brown and any color. It just makes me hungry for chocolate really.

6. Tulle. White tulle is the worst.

7. Group dances. The dj should be instructed that every event is a NO REQUESTS EVENT.

8. Save the date magnets. Just send out the goddamned invite already.

9. Bachelorette party tiaras and/or party gear. We get it, your special. Why not wear something knockout rather than your safe black tank top, too tight jeans, and a sash with crusty glitter glue falling off one letter at a time- B-R-I-D… (Personally, I wore this black sparkly number in mourning of my single days, and still got plenty of attention).

10. Square tables and lace mermaid dresses. Just because I am jealous- my fiancé wanted round tables and I already have an awesome dress . Drats. There’s always recommitment ceremonies I suppose.

In terms of a bridal trend I do love, I have to say, the web pages devoted to bridal planning are enough to keep you inspired style wise for all areas of your life. I love looking at inksandsnippets.blogspot (below) and offbeatbride.blogspot just to see ideas for parties, house decorating, and general living aesthetics. If we lived as well as we partied, the world would simply be a more beautiful place!

What do we aspire to now?

Speaking of Lipstick Mafia Cashmere Jungle, which I have attempted to watch solely for the clothes, which also were terrorific- why are men out there making such bad shows? We get it. You’re busy. You have a Blackberry. And you should get the same paycheck as anyone else doing your job, male or female. And to balance it all with family, oy.

More like ow. Stop hitting me over the head with it. Why not discuss the subtler nuances of how difficult it is to prove that you deserve a better salary when the obvious culprit holding you back is gender? Why not a brief lesson on wage and labor laws designed to protect individuals in such situations? Why not have a story line about the subtle discriminatory interplays in the workplace as opposed to gasp! A business transaction in a sex club! It’s insulting and ow- my head hurts.

But more insulting is the clothes. The show that both shows want to emulate is Sex and the City. Well, there’s no Patricia Fields on those sets. The clothes are exactly those cut by a man who wants a woman to seem fashionable. Glaring matchy color combinations and oversized accessories dominate the set. There’s also the ridiculous cuts that don’t flatter and the absolute lack of fun weighing down the actresses as they trip down the street.

What made SATC and style icons generally work was their ability to impart their personality and their surroundings in their outfit. The clothes always flatter, and the twists are more subtle. Fashion is a nuanced art with a history, not simply the most flamboyant hat and oversized zebra clutch imaginable. Watching these shows reminds me of eighth grade, when my poor misdirected soul thought the height of fashion was to wear thin neon socks layered in hues that alternated on each foot.

So perhaps the bar was set too high with Mad Men and Friday Night Lights, or shoulder chip firmly lodged by Cashmere Lipstick, but I did not enter into viewing Gossip Girl with the best mind set. What is this show about? It lacks the gusto of the OC and the clothes are Forever 21 as displayed on a Forever 21 mannequin oin a Forever 21 window. I get that some of the purses are expensive, but they are also incredibly unattractive. It’s soap opera quality bad, but worse as it takes itself so seriously. Have I gotten too old or is there something I am missing? Short of the brilliant marketing on its website, which allows you to buy clothes by the episode, nothing hit me as extraordinary, but I will give it a few more weeks. There’s not much else on until the Office and Biggest Loser return anyhow.

Mad Women

A few more words on sheath dresses, please. Sweet jesus, thank you for bringing these back. Having discovered Mad Men this month in a weekend telethon, I sometimes pause my Tivo every time Joan walks into a room. She has the same dress in five colors, and each one is breath taking.

I was encouraged to order my own body shaper- really so much more convenient than worrying about bra and panty lines, and this has been the fruition of a trend introduced with your very first pair of Spanx, so don’t tell me you aren’t curious. These wondrous things mean that you can eat dinner and wear viscose. Also, lord, please bless the littleshapers of the world and all the good they do.

What does it mean tho, this return to the 50’s stylings and the rapidly growing success of Mad Men? Are we seeking a more classier world view in reaction to the past ten years of reality tv and college lesbianism? The NYT noted that teenagers seemed to be reaching to cover up as opposed to flaunting it all. Hollywood has honed the art of “bump watching” through its glorification of all things pregnant, from teen Jamie Lynn to omgwhereisyourhead Angelina Jolie.

Eva Longoria Parker even bragged recently that she was a “1950’s housewife”, in contrast to some of her boozy, wild counterparts. Um, well..

Are we playing housewife dress up in a dogged determination to find something, anything, new to do? Are we scared of a big bad recession, and want to return to a mindset where we have a secure place and income, and only open our wallet for a few choice pieces?

Or was Lipstick Jungle just such a terrible executed show that we ran running the other way?

Well, I can handle an emerald pin-tucked sheath with the best of 'em.

I have noted my rather incessant hand wringing over the minimalist trend being pushed by designers, and its implications for all of us. God bless the end of July, when the fall fashion spreads start gathering force. The spread so far have assuaged my fears. It seems the teeth of this surge of minimalism is in a retro cool, pintucked sheath dress type glamour- which is utterly fantastic for me and every other woman out there with 40 inch hips.

The colors aren’t dimming either, but glowing in jewel tones, from hues of Kitchenaid teal or Mustang red. These fits swimmingly with the heavy necklaces and pave settings emerging in jewelry, but even these accessories have a season or two at most, given their decadence. Then it's back to studs and hoops in shiny silver!

With the reduction in accessories, there will be a return to designer names and logos. If there are less details, layers, and accessories, the one reliable way to stand out fashionably is to have immaculate tailoring (thus requiring upper end design) or to wear the logo of your favorite design house.

The popularity of the child trend graphic is dying down anyhow- who really wants to see another skull and crossbones- so it is a smoother transition to logos as a pattern. Though personally, I was secretly holding out for robots, which seemed like the next wave, but they only made it as far as keychains.

And just when I am expecting CK emblazoned on every rack from nylons to knickers, I see that CK is even unearthing "Secret" Obsession. Designer house perfumes have been garnering strength lately, and if you are going to rise back from the death, you might as well bring every bone with you.

Sadly, with a return to logos, we are bound to witness the sure demise of the New Designer trend pushing forward sales for the last couple years. As Target brought out the designer lines every three months, the average buyer came to know the designers on the brink. Then Project Runway unleased more waves of designers into public discourse, as did competitions sponsored by magazine labels such as Elle. Those who have been decrying the oversaturation of the fashion market with rising star designers will surely settle down, as fashionistas restricted to a choice accessory to adorn their sheath dress will surely return to the luxury labels- get ready for a Dior and Louis boom, and bye bye high lo bo ho, the look of the millenium. It's time to get ready for 20010.

The World Gone Flat

In other home decorating news, the Fiance and I are moving this weekend into a sci-fi, futuristic condo. I really did prefer creaky wood floors and dinged up fireplaces, but the move was a little unexpected. So off we go, wheee! And as a bit of a nerd/gadget luster, I am using the new place as an opportunity to indulge in my more modern aesthetics (which coincidentally, will coordinate with my impending new "mod wife" wardrobe).



And in my decorating quests, I have noticed a curious thing. The world has gone flat! What started, at least for me, as some interesting and quirky wall decals at good ol’ UO a year ago has quietly seeded a movement. On my new favorite shopping channel, http://www.etsy.com/, you can get the dog you always wanted, the birds you aren’t allowed to have, or the tree you can’t grow, in any color under the sun.






With some further perusing, I was startled to find flat candelabras, etched in acrylic, a type of "ghost" accessory.




Then there were the cuckoo clocks at Target that were nothing but a silhouette.



I am not quite sure where it started. Possibly with the ghost chair? Or was it those flattened wall vases that Pottery Barn carried a couple of years ago?




Regardless of its genesis, I think the growing popularity reflect the consciousness of a generation that is growing up but not quite ready to bite the Fancy China bullet. But me, heh heh, I am just interested in them because their novelty meets the Jetson aesthetic of my new place! Heh heh. Although I did worry about them being too collegiate, I realized that I don’t know any 20 year old who is all that interested in candelabras…

A Fashionable Engine

So admist the haze of boxes and moving tape, I plopped down Saturday night to watch an old SNL, before falling asleep curled around an pair of scissors and a tube of super glue. Unfortunately, the potential for weekend ER drama went unrealized. But I did, in my stupor, absorb Mariah Carey singing her last single with T-Pain guesting. (My fiance is amazed that T-Pain has apparently built an entire, well-paying career from guesting on other musician's cd's. )Anyhow, T-Pain came out in a top hat with a feather and psudeo suit. Had I not been in a muscle relaxant stupor at this point, surely I would have sat straight up and blooped back to see it again. (This small detail surely saved my life). Was steampunk infiltrating rap?

Rap has had a pivotal role in fashion since the 80's. when it broke onto the scene with bright tracksuits, heavy gold jewelry, and the occasional jeri curl. From Nelly promoting trainers to Kanye West modeling at the Lanvin Spring 2008/2009 Paris fashion shows, rap and hip hop artists continue to exert their influence in the fashion industry. (Personally, I have an unmatched adoration for the aesthetic espoused by MIA and lil Kim). Rap and hip hop artists, perhaps emboldened by the number of barriers they have to break on a daily basis, often are far more fearless in their style exploits, and generate trends far ahead of the euro-fashion waves lapping at our shores.

So, is steampunk next? I am just going to borrow directly from Wikipedia in case you have no idea what I am talking about.

Steampunk is a subgenre of fantasy and speculative fiction that came into prominence in the 1980s and early 1990s. The term denotes works set in an era or world where steam power is still widely used—usually the 19th century, and often set in Victorian era England—but with prominent elements of either science fiction or fantasy, such as fictional technological inventions like those found in the works of H. G. Wells and Jules Verne, or real technological developments like the computer occurring at an earlier date.

And it looks like this.

So you remember those old 60's movies where they shoot some scenes in the future, and everyone is wearing spandex? And when you flip through magazines from the same time and wonder how they wore that then, and what will we wear in the future? I mean, is there something novel out there, new, ground breaking, completing different from anything we have previously ever considered donning? When I see steam punk anything, I think- this, this is it. This is the fashion of The Future.

I love the look of it. I am a sucker for vintage furniture but adore gadgets and hifi anything (placing me squarely in more than one Stuff White People Like categories). Before I knew the name of it, I was intrigued by the ads for Wild Wild West. But not enough to get over the bad reviews and view the whole thing. Then, years later, my fiance's quirky best friend started gushing about steampunk, so much so that we bought him his own set of goggles for hits 30th birthday present. It seemed that the the underground steampunk community was thriving quietly on its own.

Then, the NYT covered steampunk this spring, but still, still I did not think it would catch on. But now, T-Pain was on my screen with his 19th century suit. If rap and hip hop artists bring it in through music, those very artists who could create a craze like the jeri curl, then steampunk will be here to stay. I said, Woo Hoo.